I suppose I was just wishing someone had a magic wand they wanted to lend me.

At this stage in my life, I can honestly say I dont have any respect for my mother, I can't even bring myself to say or think that I love her, perhaps I dont. So much has happened with her, and Im emotionally spent. I love the distance between us, its the one thing that makes having her as my mother easier. Its easy not to answer the phone, to discard text messages and I know Im safe from having her visit because that is asking her to leave her comfort zone, and thats virtually impossible for her.

Im sure I will have other posts about her. i have some major issues that I need input on, and I trust DD community, and I value your opinion. Shes like a tropical storm that comes along, makes itself known, causes trouble, destroys everything valuable, then the blame is always on me, because I caused it. Im thinking I should get my scarlett letter out and start wearing it now, may as well get the practise in and get used to wearing it now.. Maybe I can decorate it and make it look all christmas like